Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A photo tells a story....

and for me, it opened my eyes. Last night, I sat down at my desk and put a memory card in my camera and uploaded the photos from my niece Marianna's baptism in which me and Dan were the godparents. I started going through the images and there it was, in plain sight, a picture of me. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Actually now thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes! Basically, I look like crap and that's putting it nicely!!! How did I let myself get to this point?! I'm sure being a SAHM has played some role in it, but it certainly isn't an excuse. I was active in high school and stayed relatively thin......too think that I thought a size 6 meant that I was fat makes me cringe now!! I stayed pretty thin until I got an office job and then it all went down hill from then. And then I got pregnant. I lost 38 pounds throughout most of the pregnancy but gained 10 of it back the week before Lillian was born because of my blood pressure. And now here I am. I hate the way I look and I just can't do this anymore. I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror. And most importantly I want to be around to watch my daughter grow up, and if I stay the way I am I may not have that opportunity. Plus I want to have another child, and it certainly isn't a safe decision to make at this weight. So, you may be asking, what are you going to do to change your current situation.

Well.....at this point, I have a lot of stress, although there's really nothing to be stressed about. But for me, buying our first home and not knowing what to expect is very stressful on me. I go to bed with Dan now around 10 p.m. and get up with Lillian around 7:30, which is certainly more than enough sleep, but I still don't feel rested even though I'm not waking up throughout the night. So, I've decided that the first night that we spend in the house, is the day that I start changing my life. For me I know the biggest thing missing is the activity factor. We'll be living across the street from a great park and I plan on taking full advantage of it. And I also plan on getting Dan in on the action too because we both need a good kick in the butt. I'm just ready to look in the mirror again and be happy with my reflection. Anyways, I knew that if I spoke outloud, that I'd have to hold myself accountable.......so we'll see how this summer goes!!!!

2 comments:

Heather Green said...

I've been slowly losing weight for months now. The BIG factor for me was giving up caffeine. And it's helped alot. Actually had some knee pain go away after giving up the caffeine. It takes alot to finally start a lifestyle change, but maybe just giving up the caffeine and sugar and drinking at least 32 oz. (if not more...I usually get closer to 64 oz. a day) a day of water is one little thing you can do to start :) I've now lost 22 pounds and am in jeans I haven't been able to wear for over two years.

Amy H in Raleigh NC said...

I completely understand your feelings. I have struggled with my weight for years. It's funny how one random moment clicks on the light to help you realize what you need to do. Your blog is wonderful; I totally enjoy reading your entries and seeing your great photos. I wish you much success with your new plans to try to lose some weight. If you ever need motivation, you just holler!
Chin up! Good things to come soon.