and for me, it opened my eyes. Last night, I sat down at my desk and put a memory card in my camera and uploaded the photos from my niece Marianna's baptism in which me and Dan were the godparents. I started going through the images and there it was, in plain sight, a picture of me. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Actually now thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes! Basically, I look like crap and that's putting it nicely!!! How did I let myself get to this point?! I'm sure being a SAHM has played some role in it, but it certainly isn't an excuse. I was active in high school and stayed relatively thin......too think that I thought a size 6 meant that I was fat makes me cringe now!! I stayed pretty thin until I got an office job and then it all went down hill from then. And then I got pregnant. I lost 38 pounds throughout most of the pregnancy but gained 10 of it back the week before Lillian was born because of my blood pressure. And now here I am. I hate the way I look and I just can't do this anymore. I want to be proud of what I see in the mirror. And most importantly I want to be around to watch my daughter grow up, and if I stay the way I am I may not have that opportunity. Plus I want to have another child, and it certainly isn't a safe decision to make at this weight. So, you may be asking, what are you going to do to change your current situation.
Well.....at this point, I have a lot of stress, although there's really nothing to be stressed about. But for me, buying our first home and not knowing what to expect is very stressful on me. I go to bed with Dan now around 10 p.m. and get up with Lillian around 7:30, which is certainly more than enough sleep, but I still don't feel rested even though I'm not waking up throughout the night. So, I've decided that the first night that we spend in the house, is the day that I start changing my life. For me I know the biggest thing missing is the activity factor. We'll be living across the street from a great park and I plan on taking full advantage of it. And I also plan on getting Dan in on the action too because we both need a good kick in the butt. I'm just ready to look in the mirror again and be happy with my reflection. Anyways, I knew that if I spoke outloud, that I'd have to hold myself accountable.......so we'll see how this summer goes!!!!